not your typical annihilatrix (furiosity) wrote,
not your typical annihilatrix

and one of us will have a bullet in the temple; that's all we think about

Oh, my sides. I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time. Ugly Baby Contest.

Also, rant, as requested in the rant meme a while back.

Disclaimer: Besides being 100% unapologetically subjective and biased, this rant may include occasional bouts of capslock, bad puns and sarcasm. If you can't handle that kind of thing, you click the cut at your own risk. As for the rest, Eminem always supplies the words I lack.

Harry and Draco: blushing virgins, for xingou
When I was fourteen, I had sex with a virgin boy. We were both fourteen, actually, so technically this rant is now possibly illegal in several countries as it makes reference to underaged sex. STOP READING IF YOU LIVE IN ONE OF THESE COUNTRIES. Anyway, back to the f!chan. He did not blush. He did not giggle. Matter of fact, I wasn't blushing or giggling, either, but I was never your average girly-girl. I grew up around boys, boys were my closest friends, and while admittedly my memory is growing fuzzy (give me a break, it's been over a decade), teenage boys who are beginning to experiment with sex (rather than just wanking) are curious and eager, not giggly and blushy. Perhaps my experience was unique, but somehow? I seriously doubt it. Because while you can only have one first time, if you spend your formative years around a group of boys, you overhear enough to know that your experience wasn't unique. (I'm not trying to be coy here, I just don't wish to discuss the minutiae of my adolescence in a public post).

Basically? Boys are not girls. They do not have the same hang-ups about sex as girls do -- they DO have hang-ups, but they're not the SAME ONES. To a boy, losing his virginity is not something that is filled with dread and trepidation -- will it hurt? Of course it won't. Your garden-variety teenage boy is likely to know that it will feel pretty damn good, and remembering conversations from my teenage years, they prefer to stick their cocks into warm, wet places, not into their own fists -- once they know the difference, that is. Obviously, there's the issue of anal sex in slash fics -- which does hurt for the bottom, but. THEY ARE BOYS, NOT GIRLS. TESTOSTERONE, NOT ESTROGEN. CONDITIONED BY SOCIETY TO BE MANLY AND DREAD TO APPEAR UNMANLY. There is likely to be nervousness (in any case), even fear (in the case of first-time anal), but this is more likely to be manifested via sullen silences, loss of eye contact, fits of unexplained rage, etc. Not blushing to the roots of his hair, giggling and acting scandalised-like, "YOU ARE GOING TO PUT THAT WHERE?" If someone's about to lose their back virginity, they will have a reasonable idea as to just where the cock's going to go. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

Which makes me wonder -- and I mean, really wonder. Why on earth would Harry or Draco ever blush and giggle and basically act like they have NO FUCKING IDEA what sex is and how things work? They're two teenagers growing up in the nineties, and while an argument can be made for Draco's sheltered upbringing, he's still a Hogwarts student. JKR's hinted quite enough that sexuality is not taboo at Hogwarts -- in an "omg sex is ev0l!1" schools, ceaseless French-kissing at parties is probably strongly frowned upon, but we don't see Hermione deducting points from Gryffindor to spite Ron for snogging Lavender. Do we. So what the fuck is up with people writing either Draco or Harry as a blushing, giggling virgin who apparently had no idea he possessed a cock until whoever the second half of the pairing is pointed it out to him?

I have no issue with Draco or Harry blushing or being virgins. Harry blushes in canon, Draco flushes pink; usually when they're angry or ashamed. They're also likely both still virgins at this point, especially Draco, 'cause I think Pansy's the type to guard herself jealously until she can get something tangible out of sex. The issue is not with the act of blushing or with the fact of being virgins. I just question the sanity of having them ACT LIKE VIRGIN GIRLS. Because wtf, boys don't generally act like this. Some of them might, sure. I can buy Neville being a little blushy and over-the-top!nervous, but he's Neville and a woobie ♥. Harry and Draco are not woobies. Harry finally gets a piece of Ginny, he doesn't fucking blush and giggle and want to fall through the floor; he's already over the OMG GIRL! KISSING jitters, courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Ravenclaw Seeker. Do you see Draco being all virginal and breaking a sweat at Pansy's proximity? No. He lies back and LETS HER STROKE HIS PRETTY BLOND HAIR while Harry jealously watches. I'm not saying that a person's behaviour outside of the bedroom is a foolproof indicator of his behaviour inside the bedroom, FWIW, but speaking from experience? There are parallels. Girly virgin!Harry and girly virgin!Draco just don't compute on a number of levels. Well, maybe they do if you read your canon upside down while listening to "Stairway to Heaven" backwards.

Whine at me all you want that it's about fantasy, not reality, and realism in fan fiction is overrated anyway, but. If you fantasise about girls with cocks, why don't you fucking write about girls with cocks? All you have to do is make a passing reference to a major surgical procedure in their dark and gloomy past, k! Also, this is called a "rant" and if you failed to read the disclaimer at the top, it's your own damn fault.
Tags: meta:canon, meta:harry/draco
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