not your typical annihilatrix (furiosity) wrote,
not your typical annihilatrix

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here we go again

Predictably enough, I open this LJ's 2007 season with

You know, it always happens. There are many anonymous gift exchanges and it is inevitable that someone will write something that makes the recipient go, DO NOT WANT.

I know one Smutmas fic from this year that was obviously not written as a gift to the recipient. I say this because, I have a fairly decent idea about the recipient's tastes, and after reading the fic (or, rather, getting halfway through it, rolling my eyes and hitting the back button), I even found and read her request to make sure I wasn't missing something vital. (I wasn't). No, I'm not naming names, but I'm not going to GTFO either. Cope.

The thing is, it's not a bad story. It's well-written, and it succeeded in impressing a lot of people with its cleverness (not me, but y'all know I'm often the crotchety one in the back row, scoffing and harshing everyone's squee).

It is, in all honesty, a decent fic; it just clearly wasn't for the recipient. It could've been a last-minute pinch hit, where the author didn't have time to think about the request and craft something specially for the recipient. Hey, it happens. Or the author completely misread the request and honestly thought they were delivering something the recipient would enjoy severely. Or the author read the request, picked a pairing, and proceeded to ignore the rest of the request other than to leave out the squicks. Or hey, it could have been for that time post-reveal when everyone who was impressed by the story rushes off to friend the author and/or read everything else they'd ever written -- in other words, written in self-service, to get attention on a widely-watched comm. This is fandom, after all.

People will draw whatever conclusions they will. The thing is that the story is a decent effort and it avoids the recipient's stated squicks. Because that's what you're supposed to do when writing for someone else. Few anon exchange rules actually say "hai guyz, plz dun write teh squicks lol" because um. It goes without saying. One has to be either very new to fandom, very stupid, or very twatlike to deliberately write someone's squicks and expect the recipient to like it.

The way I approach anon exchanges is like I approach Christmas shopping for the office Secret Santa exchange. In the case of fandom, the "shopping" is easier, because I at least have a guideline in the form of the request. Let me repeat that, in case it isn't completely clear: the request is a guideline as to what the recipient wants and does not want. If I'm the Secret Santa for Sally from accounting, and I overhear her saying that she HATES vanilla-scented anything, I'm not going to get her a vanilla-scented candle for Christmas.

I'm certainly not going to get her a vanilla-scented candle and attach a note saying "I got you this because I think it's time for you to get over your prejudice against vanilla-scented items and appreciate their olfactory value." I mean, why would anyone do something like that? How socially inept do you have to be? No, seriously, I want to know, because I'm having considerable difficulty wrapping my brain around the logic that went into this extremely poor decision. What's that? No logic? Okay then.

When I first saw the "Squick the Halls" fic get (self-)pimped around this weekend, I read the author's note and decided it wasn't for me. You see, it was written as deliberate crackfic that included all of the recipient's squicks, with the author's note condescendingly saying that the authors decided it was time to help the recipient get over her "squickaphobia". It gave me pause that this was written as a gift, but I don't know either of the authors, so I don't know whom they're friendly with in fandom. I just assumed that the authors and recipient are pals, and it's all gonna be a barrel of laughs for everyone involved. Because friends pull pranks on each other all the time, and it's all good, right? 'Cause no one's getting hurt.

Apparently not.

I don't know arrmaitee -- I had him friended for about five minutes when I was new to fandom but I found his journal boring and his fic not nearly as funny as (self-)advertised. So I stopped reading his LJ -- no harm, no foul. Didn't even realise he was still in fandom, actually. I'd barely heard of daylyn before yesterday. But after reading the author's note in the context of knowing that they didn't know the recipient?

Jesus motherfucking Christ on a Vespa, what a pair of asshats. And no, apologies, sincere or otherwise, are not quuiiiiite cutting it, because oh hey, before fandom asploded, these jokers were defending their fic to the few people who had an issue with their asshattery. What more, there was gloating about the recipient's (admittedly strong) reaction to receiving a piece of garbage fic for a Christmas exchange. The gloating post (which, among other things, referred to the recipient as an "angry Harry/Sirius shipping fangirl") has since been deleted, of course, but you have to be pretty stupid to think that you can post something that wanky and twatty without consequences.

I love crackfic when it's done well -- I think the story I remember best from last Smutmas is phaballa's The Death of a Soul, A Blowjob Beneath a Table, and the Rain of Toads That Followed (H/D; NC-17). People who want to write crack or think they can: that is how it's done, mk. So, it's not that the authors of "Squick the Halls" wrote crackfic. It's that they wrote shit crackfic, deliberately included the recipient's squicks, and belittled the recipient's choice of OTP.

I'm sorry, but how exactly does that not spell "this was written by a couple of raging cuntrags" to anyone with an ounce of common decency?

Newsflash, genius: this? Is not the year 2000 any more. No matter how many LJ friends you have or how big your internet penis is, if you behave like an irredeemable asshat and hurt people for laughs, you're going to get called out on it and mocked, that's right, by people who don't even know you. Another newsflash: posting "thank you to everyone who's expressed their support in the wake of my fandom_wank star appearance" isn't impressing a soul, because everyone understands that you're merely posting that to get sympathy from your flist and if you've received "support", it was likely a couple of e-mails from close friends, telling you what a bunch of meanie poo-poo heads fandom_wankers are and what a genius talent you are, and what a wonderful sense of humour you have. They're not, and you're not, and you don't. I hope you have a full, eventful and productive real life to compensate for your spectacular failure at the internet.

As for the mod who let the story be posted and praised its wittiness:

And in conclusion, standard disclaimer: this is all just my opinion. I'm not passing fandom legislation. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to think. I just wanted to rant. To the disinterested/unaffected/unimpressed, have some Pokemans:

ETA: The cat macros are from all over the internets; none of them are my creation.
Tags: fandom, humour, meta:fandom, rant
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