The underlying assumption, even after all these years and all these debates, seems to be that anyone with kinks outside the vanilla zone must necessarily practice those kinks IRL. So that someone who likes breathplay on the page must have kinky breathplay sex whenever the occasion presents itself. And, by extension, anyone who gets hot and bothered looking at pictures or reading stories where children are engaged in sexual acts must necessarily involve children in his/her sex life on a regular basis, right?
Well, no, of course not, that's just a bit harsh, but there's a thin line between fantasy and pedophilia! We must be vigilant! We must be careful! We must police ourselves! Right? LOL NO. What we must do is nothing. Fandom owes nothing to anyone. 'Must' is not a word that fandom generally understands, and the sooner one works that out for oneself, the better.
I don't know about you, but I've never camped in any deserts and quite frankly I have no desire to do so, ever. I'm not a big fan of camping, y'see. Running water is important to my daily functioning. I might want to visit a desert in a tricked-out converted army vehicle and have a smoke while sitting on a rock outcropping and gazing into a pair of binoculars just to look like I have a reason to be there, but I wouldn't want to spend days there. And yet, I enjoy very much the accounts of travels through our planet's various deserts. The Novel that Eats My Life is set quite frequently in a desert. However, in real life, I do not want anything to do with deserts. They're awful hot during the day and cold at night; there are all manner of creepy-crawlies that make their homes there. They're harsh, forbidding places. Like all else in nature, they are beautiful, but in that look-but-don't-touch way, as far as I'm concerned. This, in case it's unclear, is an example of a person (me) enjoying fictional depictions of something (deserts) without having any desire to experience that something in reality. It's more likely than you think!
I'm sure many of you have read books where you were thrilled to follow along on the protag's journey as she battled fierce snakes, emissaries of Borg, or lusty pirates. I am equally sure that a goodly 90% of you would crawl away babbling should you ever encounter an actual fierce snake, Borg emissary, or a cutlass-wielding pirate. Me, I wouldn't blame ya. What looks awesome on the page is usually far less impressive in reality. Dead bodies, for example, are not particularly scary or sinister. An assassin's work is not glamorous. Neither is drug addiction. But there are books that makes us fear those dead bodies, sympathise with assassins and cheer them on, and think that a drug addict is just about the coolest person to ever walk the earth. None of it is real. We can think this way and not feel guilty because none of it is real. I can sympathise with a killer if I've been given a compelling on-page personality. Out here in real life, I think murder's about the most cowardly thing you can do and in general, I don't think there are ever circumstances that can mitigate murder. Should I then feel guilty when I read The Day of the Jackal and feel an admiration for the man's methods? Of course not; that would be just silly. My true admiration is not for the man or for his methods, it's for Forsythe's depiction of them.
Fiction and reality are entirely separate realms. It's fairly easy to make that connection when we're talking about cute things like the Borg or deserts. Why is it so fucking hard to grasp when we're talking about sex?
Just because Person X gets off on bloodplay in fic doesn't necessarily mean she practises it. Even if she does practise it, there is more than likely mutual consent involved. Unless her name's Lizzie Borden, I guess. In the case of kidfic, there are issues around consent that are absent in things like bloodplay -- in child/adult, the presumption is that real consent is not possible because the child can't give his/her consent. But that just brings us back to: FAKE CHILD. FAKE DESERT. FICTIONAL SETTING. NOT. REAL. Does "innocent until proven guilty" ring any bells? 'Cause it should.
Fandom will never be a place where someone can be 100% comfortable. There are always going to be people who are appalled at what you do in fandom. Even if all you do is write fluff about kittens pooping rainbows, somebody somewhere is bitching about your precarious grasp on sanity and your utter inability to portray realistic characters. Trust me on that one.
Above all, if someone's preferences are bothering or upsetting you, you are the one with the problem. Not them. If we were talking about behaviour, that would be a different story. But we're not, and it's not.