not your typical annihilatrix (furiosity) wrote,
not your typical annihilatrix
furiosity

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Chapters 29 - 32

Chapter 29 - The Lost Diadem


Poor Neville's in rough shape! But YAY NEVILLE! :D

I love how Harry, Ron and Hermione are all indignant about the students being forced to use the Cruciatus Curse on those who've earned detentions. Harry just flung the Imperius curse around Gringotts like it was wedding rice.

"Blimey, Neville," said Ron, "there's a time and a place for getting a smart mouth."
NEVER YOU MIND, BOY. NEVILLE CAN HANDLE IT! :D

They don't want to spill too much pure blood
HA! I've been saying this for years. :P

The DA Galleons are back! And being put to good use! Looks like Neville and Co have been far better at this fighting thing than the trio. Doesn't say much for the trio...

they bit off a bit more than they could chew with Gran
HAHAHA YES GO MRS LONGBOTTOM! :D

The silver and green of Slytherin alone were absent.
Obviously. Because no WAY there are any students in Slytherin who oppose the new regime. Epic, epic fail, JKR.

Neville's the man!
Yes, Seamus. YES HE IS. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

"Yeah, well, food's one of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration," said Ron to general astonishment.
AHAHA I LOVE THIS LINE SO MUCH. :DDD (Though I still want to know what the other four exceptions are! I bet lube is one of them. XD >.>)

it even sprouted a pretty good bathroom once girls started turning up
Yeah, the boys just peed in the corners, I expect.

"We -- we can't tell you. We've got to do it -- alone."
That's so STUPID! They don't need to tell anyone about Horcruxes in order to get their help. Jeez.

"It hasn't exactly been a picnic, mate," said Ron.
Um. Except. Compared to the DA, it totally WAS A FUCKING PICNIC! Gah!

Seamus gave a great roar of delight and ran to hug his best friend.
Dean/Seamus fans: *REJOICE* XD

"Then let us help!" said Neville angrily.
DAMN STRAIGHT! Stupid Harry and his stupid martyr complex. GRRRRR.

He had forgotten, he had never fully appreciated, how beautiful she was
Oh, gag me with a Horcrux. We all still remember your being tantalised by handsome blond boys, Harry, so spare the theatrics for someone who cares.

Ron turned suddenly to Harry. "Why can't they help?"
THANK YOU, RON, FOR BEING THE VOICE OF REASON.

Professor Flitwick says the diadem vanished with Ravenclaw herself
Aha, so Salazar wasn't the only Founder who vanished! Interesting.

No, Luna will take Harry, won't you, Luna?
And we're supposed to admire this chit? The one who, in the midst of war, and with Harry in obvious distress, only cares about him not talking a walk with his ex? Please.

[Harry's] worst fear was Peeves
In a school full of Death Eaters? Can Peeves see through Harry's Amazing Magical Super-Awesome (+28932) Invisibility Cloak, then?

LOVED the Ravenclaw door-knocker and its riddles! I wonder if the Hufflepuff common room has something equivalent, since both Gryffindor and Slytherin use a password to get in...

she pressed a stubby forefinger to the skull and snake branded on her forearm.
Oops!

Chapter 30 - The Sacking of Severus Snape


They have the boy.
What, no moment taken to pause and wonder if it isn't another false alarm? For someone who TRUSTS NO ONE, Voldypants sure puts a lot of trust in his subordinates... I guess he figures no one would be dumb enough to call him for a trifle after what had happened at Malfoy Manor, but still.

d'you want to go the same way as the Malfoys?
What way? Draco's safely at school; we're about to run into him this very night. And his parents are both alive; we're about to run into them, too.

So Vanished objects go into "non-being which is to say, everything". So that basically means that a Vanishing charm scatters an object's atoms? Neat.

I'll Cruciate the lot of 'em
The verb is "Cruciate", not "Crucio". HA! :P

"You are not going to pass off your many ineptitudes on the students of Hogwarts. I shall not permit it."
I LOVE MCGOOGLES. :D

Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand, and said, "You shouldn't have done that." As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, "Crucio!"
WHAT.
EPIC
FAIL

No excuse. None WHATSOEVER. I don't care how awesome McGoogles is. That should never have happened on the pages of a Harry Potter book, not if JKR expects us to buy her morality bullshit.

"I see what Bellatrix meant," said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, "you need to really mean it."
NO. FUCKING. EXCUSE. FOR THIS. EVER. FAIL, JKR. ULTIMATE AND COMPLETE FAIL.

Before Harry or Luna could act, Professor McGonagall rose to her feet, pointed her wand at the groggy Death Eater, and said, "Imperio."
IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE. I bet JKR wrote these lines cackling to herself and anticipating the Internet shitstorm this would cause. A+++ troll, would lol again! What? It's that, or deliberate character rape.

we teachers are rather good at magic, you know
Heh.

From the tip burst three silver cats with spectacle markings around their eyes.
Oooh, you can send MORE THAN ONE PATRONUS AT A TIME! That's awesome. I wonder if that trick can be used to fend off Dementors, or if it's restricted to message-sending...

He had forgotten the details of Snape's appearance in the magnitude of his crimes, forgotten how his greasy black hair hung in curtains around his thin face, how his black eyes had a dead, cold look.
See? Snape's just not handsome enough for Harry. Harry forgot what he looked like because he wasn't pretty enough! (He certainly remember young Tom Riddle ;)) Harry, he's like Yumichika, in a way. XD

The McGonagall vs Snape fight was seriously badass. See, Harry, this is how it's done, mk?

"No!" squealed Flitwick, raising his wand. "You'll do no more murder at Hogwarts!"
YAY FLITWICK! :D

Piertotum Locomotor is BRILLIANT. So the suits of armour are better for more than just decoration!

We pause a bit for Ginny's hysterics. Honestly, couldn't she have used her brains and pretended to leave meekly but actually stayed behind? Or gone to the Hog's Head and doubled right back? It's not like anyone would have been able to stop her; it's too chaotic anyway. No, Ginny has to throw an attention-whoring fit. I can see why Harry likes her.

PERCY APPEARED! Go Percy!

[Ron and Hermione] said something about a bathroom
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM TWELVE.

Chapter 31 - The Battle of Hogwarts


Behind her stood the remaining teaches, including the palomino centaur, Firenze
WHAT. In Voldemort's Hogwarts, centaurs are allowed to teach? Bullshit.

"You have until midnight."
Buh? Why? Why not "you have five minutes"? Lame.

I bet JKR also cackled to herself as she wrote the bit about Pansy! And so it's Slytherin vs the rest of the school.

You will leave the Hall first with Mr. Filch. If the rest of your House could follow.
So the Slytherins don't get a choice to stay and fight if they want to, obviously. Because one of them has dared to suggest they hand over Harry Potter! Unconscionable!

The inexplicable absence of Ron and Hermione had momentarily driven every other thought from his mind.
Really? I would have thought it was Voldemort's voice booming across the Great Hall, but what do I know?

Harry saw Zacharias Smith bowling over first years to get to the front of the queue
Oh, of course. Harry needs to pause and notice his old adversaries doing ugly things, because it just would not be the Harry Potter series without it.

Harry supposed that she was beautiful, with her waist-length hair and floor-length cloak, but she also looked haughty and proud.
Because haughty and proud can never be truly beautiful! Keh.

"I sought to make myself cleverer, more important than my mother."
Ravenclaws can be ambitious too! News at eleven. But also, remember, kids: wishing to surpass your betters is bad and wrong and immoral, so don't do it.

All these centuries later, he wears his chains as an act of penitence... as he should.
Ravenclaws can also be vindictive and so small-minded they carry a grudge for hundreds of years!

Yes, Harry thought. Tom Riddle would certainly have understood Helena
Ravenclaw's desire to possess fabulous objects to which she had little right.

Oh, shut up, you sanctimonious little wanker. She was to inherit the diadem anyway, I'm sure. "Little right." Hmph.

Hahah, Grawp is flinging Hagrid through windows? That's pure comedy gold right there.

"Oh, don't mind me... I'll just be here and crumble...."
Awww, poor gargoyle. ;_;

And of course the ugly gargoyle makes him think of Rowena's statue! I'm sure the resemblance is uncanny. REALLY LAME, JKR. It would have been way more elegant to make Harry concentrate on the thread of thought that Voldemort was sure no one else would find the lost diadem, leading Harry to think of Dumbledore saying he couldn't presume to know all of Hogwarts's secrets, etc. Instead, we get a gargoyle. How ridiculous.

GO TEAM SPROUT-NEVILLE! :D THE MANDRAKES OF JUSTICE! (thank you for that, Urahara-san ♥)

"Braggarts and rogues, dogs and scoundrels, drive them out, Harry Potter, see them off!"
I love Sir Cadogan so much! :D I'm glad we got to see him one last time. :>

Ron is so smart! He thought of the basilisk fangs! :D :D

Ron made a horrible strangled hissing noise.
Oh HELL NO. HEEEEELLLLLL NO. What the fuck was that, JKR? Was your plot in THAT much trouble? Kinney on a stick.

Aww, Neville's gran is proud of him. <33333

"I couldn't stand not knowing --" Tonks looked anguished.
...
....
.....
Is this chick an Auror or what? Or are the young girls reading HP supposed to come away with the impression that you lose all your skills and identity when you get married and pop out a baby? For fuck's sake.

"Is this the moment?" Harry asked weakly
I was asking myself the same thing. JKR, you FAIL at writing romance. I mean, okay, I've shipped R/Hr since pretty much the beginning, but this was a bit much.

Even as he watched, Ginny sent a well-aimed jinx into a crowd of fighters below.
Wasn't Harry just whining about how they needed to get to the Horcrux and so Ron and Hermione had to stop with the kissy-faces? So what's he doing mooning over Ginny? I was half-expecting him to rush up to Ginny and molest her, since, as Ron said, "it's now or never". I wouldn't have put it past JKR, but I'm glad she didn't go there.

So the Room of Requirement is as large as a cathedral and it's stuffed to the brim with hidden objects. And yet Harry happened to have hidden his Potions book just where the Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw was! What an amazing coincidence! Or not.

"That's my wand you're holding, Potter."
Ehehehehehehe. XD

"My mother," said Draco.
I'm surprised he told Harry and didn't just say "none of your business." But more importantly, what's Draco even doing there? He was one of the Horribly Punished Malfoys, was he not? Pfft.

"I don't take your orders no more, Draco. You an' your dad are finished."
Yes! Because in Slytherin house, there are no friendships. There are just kids taking orders from kids whose parents are more powerful. It's a Den of Evil! And ambition. But mostly evil.

"STOP!" Malfoy shouted at Crabbe, his voice echoing through the enormous room. "The Dark Lord wants him alive --"
The Dark Lord? Please, Draco, you're too transparent. XD

It only missed because Malfoy pulled him out of the way.
So... Draco's minions just turned on him but he's pulling them out of the way of Stunning spells? Uh...

Harry saw Hermione dive aside, and his fury that Crabbe had aimed to kill wiped all else from his mind. He shot a Stunning Spell at Crabbe
So... spit in McGonagall's face, and you get Cruciated. Fire a Killing Curse at Hermione, and you get Stunned. It's so nice to see Harry's priorities are all in order.

knocking Malfoy's wand out of his hand
Ahahaha, poor Draco. You just can't hang on to your wand, can you?

"Don't kill him! DON'T KILL HIM!" Malfoy yelled at Crabbe and Goyle
Awww, Draco. You're so cute when you're anguished.

Malfoy grabbed the Stunned Goyle and dragged him along
Again; Draco Malfoy, saving someone else's skin? Surely you jest. Whatever happened to "irredeemably bad" and "rotten to the core"?

As awesome as Fiendfyre is, it's -- again -- a very convenient coincidence that it was this spell that Crabbe used and not another. And, really, Crabbe? Known throughout Hogwarts, along with Goyle, to be dumb as bricks?

"IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!"
I LOVE RON. :D

"The door, get to the door, the door!" screamed Malfoy in Harry's ear
Hahaha. Barely been saved but already bossing Harry around. That's our Draco.

Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt
Ehehehehehehe. XDDDD

"C-Crabbe," choked Malfoy as soon as he could speak. "C-Crabbe..."
Aw :(

"No -- no -- no!" someone was shouting. "No! Fred! No!"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ;_; WAHHH FRED. ._.

Chapter 32 - The Elder Wand


So the Forbidden Forest's spiders are under Voldemort's command? I wonder why that is. (To make Ron have to face his fears? Surely you jest.)

Poor Ron. :(

Do it, Harry--look inside him!
A good plan. What I always wanted to know was: can Voldemort not sense Harry looking in on his thoughts? I thought he could -- at least, wasn't that what he used to make Harry believe Sirius was being tortured? So if he can sense Harry trying to find out where he is, shouldn't he try to, like, IDK, pull him into a world of illusion inside Voldemort's mind or something? Oh wait, that might possibly lead to Harry's downfall. Can't have that! And maybe I've been reading too much Hitman Reborn

"If your son is dead, Lucius, it is not my fault. He did not come and join me, like the rest of the Slytherins."
So -- canon clearly says that the rest of the Slytherins joined Voldemort. But didn't JKR say in an interview later that some of them went back with Slughorn? Jeez.

"Perhaps he has decided to befriend Harry Potter?"
"No--never," whispered Malfoy.

Don't be so sure of that, Voldypants! :P

This was Lucius's breaking point, I think -- the point at which he decided to blow Voldemort's popsicle stand. Too bad he can't do it with any effectiveness.

a herd of galloping desks thundered past, shepherded by a sprinting Professor McGonagall
This will be so awesome in the movie.

Peeves zooming over them, dropping Snargaluff pods down onto the Death Eaters
YAY PEEVES! <3 <3

"I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco, I'm on your side!" Draco was on the upper landing, pleading with anoter masked Death Eater. Harry Stunned the Death Eater as they passed. Malfoy looked around, beaming, for his savior, and Ron punched him from under the Cloak. Malfoy fell backward on top of the Death Eater, his mouth bleeding, utterly bemused.
Ahahahaha. Draco is good for two things: losing his wand and getting slapped around. :D I do wonder, at this point, whether he was sincerely claiming to be on the Death Eaters' side or just saying it so the Death Eater would spare him. I guess we'll never know, since this is pretty much the last we see of Draco in action.

the Slytherin hourglass that had recorded House points spilled its emeralds everywhere
She just can't help herself, can she?

And Trelawney takes out Greyback with a crystal ball! THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

"Don't hurt 'em, don't hurt 'em!"
FUCK YOU, HAGRID. NO, SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU. It's too bad the spiders didn't freakin' eat him.

Luna is so amazing. I love her. Even in the midst of battle she stops and tries to encourage Harry to produce a Patronus.

they all scattered, and not a second too soon, for the next moment the creature's vast foot had fallen exactly where they had been standing.
So why, exactly, is Voldemort not fussed about Harry dying by someone else's hand? Had the trio been squashed in this scene, I can just see the aftermath:

Minion X: My Lord. Harry Potter's remains have been found on the field of battle. :S
Voldemort: Oh? How did he die? :|
Minion X: A giant, my Lord. A giant stepped on him and crushed him. :S
Voldemort: Oh, that's all right then. He didn't die by anyone else's hand -- he died by someone else's foot! Fetch the champagne; we're going to celebrate! :D

But seriously, does Voldemort have so little faith in his forces that he's sure Harry will evade them and seek Voldemort out himself?

I will to the death remain convinced that the whole "why doesn't it work for me, Severus?" whingeing on Voldemort's part was just an extended impotence metaphor. :P

"My instructions to the Death Eaters have been perfectly clear. Capture Potter. Kill his friends--the more, the better--but do not kill him."
Yeah, well, what about the giants, you dingbat? :P They don't seem to understand English very well.

Lucius's wand shattered upon meeting Potter's
Those Malfoys. Just can't hang on to their wands, bless 'em.

Snape. Now he ded from snake. And his death -- as well as Harry's rather convenient presence (time and space just shift so darn usefully for Harry, don't you find?) -- serves only the plot. As much as I dislike Snape, I find the manner of his death -- arranged carefully so that Harry's quest can go on -- one of the most contrived parts of DH.
Tags: criticism, deathly hallows commentary, fandom:hp, meta:canon
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