not your typical annihilatrix (furiosity) wrote,
not your typical annihilatrix
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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Chapters 33 - 36

Chapter 33 - The Prince's Tale


Remus and Tonks, pale and still and peaceful-looking
So passes the last of the Marauders, huh. What a freakin' waste and cop-out. Also, when JKR said in that interview that she wanted them dead because she wanted to leave Teddy an orphan, Just Like Harry? Wow.

when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never have died...
Uh, a bit late for the martyr act, Harry. Giving yourself up didn't even cross your mind at the time, so save the hysterics, plz.

And the password to the Headmaster's office is "Dumbledore". Harry's dumb luck strikes again!

"Snape and Lily knew each other as kids" was one of my favourite twists in the whole series, I admit it. I totally thought Petunia had been referring to James when she'd said "that awful boy" in OotP.

I will never understand why Eileen Prince, a witch, allowed a Muggle to bully her and her son. She had magic, didn't she? Keh. I guess in JKR's world, once you are in love with somebody, you let them get away with murder.

"Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
Ahaha, James = Draco. Good to know. XD

Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he's creepy!
Um, Lily? I hate to break it to you, but Snape's kinda creepy himself... >.>

"They don't use Dark Magic, though."
And here we go, as good as confirmation. It doesn't matter what you do to people; as long as you aren't using Dark Magic, it's totally okay! Even if you hurt them, well, you weren't using Dark Magic, so you're in the clear.

So as it stands, Lily hated James Potter and thought he was an arrogant toerag. I wonder why we never find out what made her change her mind. Though since she's so butthurt over "Mudblood" (contrast Hermione, who doesn't let it bother her) that she'll throw away years of friendship over it...

I loved the Snape vs Dumbledore, where Dumbledore is all "UR EVIL I WILL CRUSH U DED!!!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?"
o snap.

"You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon..."
FUCK YOU, DUMBLEDORE. D:

Hmm. That a curse can be trapped in the human body via magical healing is a fascinating idea. *taps chin*

And yes! I was on the money about Dumbledore -- he was dying anyway (so in a way it's okay that he got AKd, ho ho ho). But that makes his unwillingness to tell Harry anything even stupider. He knew he was going to die and instead of preparing Harry for what was coming, he made Harry perform tricks for him and, in the end, left him with practically nothing. It was sheer DUMB LUCK that Harry managed to find out about the Deathly Hallows in time. Really made of all sorts of fail.

"The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely punishment for Lucius's recent failures. Slow torture for Draco's parents, while they watch him fail and pay the price."
I was a little disappointed by this, because 298342938429 fanfics called it long before DH ever came out. JKR's generally pretty good at coming up with things that didn't show up in every fic under the sun.

"Would you like me to do it now?" asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"
Jesus, JKR. You give Snape a brilliant line and ruin it by pointing out the irony in his voice? We're not complete morons, you know. It is a great Snape line, though. :D

dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it.
Ahah. Love for this. So much love.

"What are you doing with Potter, all these evenings you are closeted together?" Snape asked abruptly.
Aww, is Snape jealous? Sorry, Snape. Harry's into good-looking people. :P

Dumbledore opened his eyes. Snape looked horrified.
Yeah, I was looking pretty horrified, too.

Now Snape was head to head with Mundungus in an unfamiliar tavern,
Mundungus's face looking curiously blank, Snape frowning in concentration.

So this is what a Confundus Charm looks like? How the hell is it different from the Imperius Curse? WTF, JKR. If you're going to call something unforgivable, at least explain why.

"Now, Severus, the sword! Do not forget that it must be taken under conditions of need and valour
Yeah, because camping for weeks in desperate search of clues to destroy the greatest Dark Lord of all time does not count as valour at all. Or need, for that matter. A part of me is glad Dumbledore is dead because at least she's finally stopped trying to turn him into a character and is letting him act as what he was from the start -- the exposition fairy.

Chapter 34 - The Forest Again


Harry's a little too death-happy for a seventeen-year-old boy. I get that JKR was just trying to wrap this sucker up already, but jeez. At least he's not shouting "BANZAI!!!1"; I guess we ought to be thankful for small favours. For all that, Harry's dejection here was really well-done.

Aw, Neville. I wonder if JKR realised he was basically stealing the book every time he appeared.

Gratuitous scene of Florence Nighthingale!Ginny - ACTIVATE!

I rather liked the reunion scene with the ghosts in the forest, but, well, how can I put this? James and Lily seem just a little too happy to watch their son go to his death. After reading this chapter a few times now and letting it sink in, you know something? JKR's mind scares me.

His eyes feasted on her
Ew, ew, EW. Like I said. Her mind's a scary place.

His hands were sweating as he pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and stuffed it beneath his robes, with his wand. He did not want to be tempted to fight.
This never made sense to me. Harry's about to die and he's sure he's about to die, so he stuffs his Invisibility Cloak under his robes? Along with his wand (which is actually Draco's wand, ehehe)? With all the angsting he was doing about leaving his body behind, he's curiously unwilling to part with his possessions. Given Harry's earlier state of mind, I would have expected him to simply drop wand and Cloak to the floor. But of course that would have mucked up the plot. Silly me.

Hagrid was bound and trussed, tied to a tree nearby.
We never do find out why he wasn't simply killed outright. Voldemort could've used anyone to carry Harry's body back to Hogwarts.

Harry thought inexplicably of Ginny
Yes, exactly. He's looking at Bellatrix and thinking of Ginny? It is inexplicable, and a really cheap trick, JKR. Fail.

Chapter 35 - King's Cross


This chapter made me think "giant Matrix ripoff". I still think so.

Harry is naked! So all the prancing about in Equus is just strength training for Radcliffe during DH. Good to know.

He was not wearing glasses anymore.
Death: the ultimate in vision correction! Sign up today and get a free wreath! While quantities last; limit one per customer.

But then, if he had been able to understand, he could not be Lord Voldemort, and might never have murdered at all.
All you need is love, kids! Just so long as you're capable of feeling (and understanding!) love, you will never become a creepy dark magic dude. Never mind that the world's greatest thinkers have struggled to understand love since time unfathomable. Stupid old codgers, the lot of them.

What chance did that poor stick of Lucius Malfoy's stand?"
*snicker* *snicker* *SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT*

Dumbledore is so sneaky. :D I still say Harry owed him a beating.

Also, kids, remember that wanting to shine and use your potential to the fullest is being selfish. Even if you are not so selfish as to ignore your responsibilities and return home to care for your family after your mother dies? It's selfish to even think of doing otherwise, kids. Don't forget now! SELFISH. Amoral and wrong.

You cannot imagine how his ideas caught me, Harry, inflamed me.
JKR's euphemisms leave much to be desired. I've never heard the male reproductive organ referred to as "ideas".

Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well.
Ugh, Rowling, leave your personal politics OUT of my canon. D:

there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying.
Yes. And dying is how you get rid of those things! Makes perfect sense to me. Uh...

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?"
As I said. Matrix rip-off. Well, Matrix Revolutions, to be precise.

Chapter 36 - The Flaw in the Plan


And no sooner does Harry return to the world of the living that another miraculous coincidence takes place! Of the "crowd" of Death Eaters gathered in the clearing, Voldemort chooses Narcissa to check Harry. He couldn't send Dolohov, or -- since there seems to be a chauvinist overtone here -- Alecto. No. It had to be Narcissa. Otherwise the book would end here, of course. Lame.

Also, Narcissa has nails long and sharp enough to pierce through robes. I can see why Lucius likes her. :D

Someone had broken free of the crowd and charged at Voldemort
NEVILLE! NEVILLE! NEVILLE! :D :D :D

In one swift, fluid motion, Neville broke free of the Body-Bind Curse upon him
Oh my heart. Stop, Neville, you're stealing the show!

With a single stroke Neville sliced off the great snake's head
Oh, never mind, then. This battle goes to Neville, who shall henceforth be known as the biggest BAMF around. :D

Horace Slughorn, who was still wearing his emerald pyjamas. They seemed to have returned at the head of what looked like the families and friends of every Hogwarts student who had remained to fight
And JKR said in an interview that it was the Slytherins who returned. NO THE FUCK THEY DID NOT.

"Fight! Fight! Fight for my Master, defender of house-elves! Fight the Dark Lord, in the name of brave Regulus! Fight!"
Awww, Kreacher. <333333333333333

JKR remains an *amazing* writer of action. Seriously, it just all flows so well.

So McGonagall, Slughorn, and Kingsley all at once are not enough to take down Voldemort? Pray tell why? His Horcruxes are gone. Oh wait, I forgot. HARRY HAS TO BE THE ONE TO DEFEAT HIM! Keh.

Killing Curse shot so close to Ginny that she missed death by an inch
This, however, was neither dramatic nor impressive. JKR, you fail at romance. Stop and give up. Thx.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"
Oh shut up, you overbearing old hag.

"You - will - never - touch - our - children - again!" screamed Mrs. Weasley.
Um, but Bellatrix didn't kill Fred. She didn't even kill George's ear, for fuck's sake. As I said in an earlier commentary, this whole thing is just JKR trying to be all "YEAH MOTHERS ARE SO AWESOME; NOT ONLY WILL THEY DIE FOR THEIR KIDS, THEY'LL KILL FOR THEM!" And killing to protect your children? Totally okay.

"Nobody," said Harry simply. "There are no more Horcruxes."
Good job, Harry. Announcing it where everyone is listening. How do you know the next wannabe Dark Lord isn't hiding in the bushes?

...and Harry's turned into the exposition fairy. Remember kids -- if you're GOOD and UNSELFISH and can LOVE, you might die and come back to life as an exposition fairy! Isn't that AWESOME? :D

Okay, I'll admit Harry calling Voldemort "Riddle" throughout the final Circle Stalk of Exposition gave me fangirly heart palpitations. :">

"The true master of the Elder Wand was Draco Malfoy."
O SNAP! :D

I overpowered Draco weeks ago.
Harry called him Draco in public! Oh, my heart. XD

Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse
I wonder what they did with the body. >.>

that he had not slept, that he craved the company of only a few of them, seemed to occur to no one
Wait, is that Harry being SELFISH? :O Amazing.

Neville, the sword of Gryffindor lying beside his plate as he ate, surrounded by a knot of fervent admirers.
YAY NEVILLE!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

three Malfoys, huddled together as though unsure whether or not they were supposed to be there, but nobody was paying them any attention
It's a fate worse than death!

And Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!
I love Peeves.

"Really gives a feeling for the scope and tragedy of the thing, doesn't it?"
I also love Ron. XD

"And let it be noted that Slytherin House played its part! Let our
contribution not be forgotten!"

I hate to say this, Phineas, but what contribution? It doesn't exist on the pages of this book.

I love that Harry chose to repair his own holly/phoenix-feather wand. I don't know why; I just do!

If I die a natural death like Ignotus, its power will be broken, won't it? The previous master will never have been defeated. That'll be the end of it.
Well then, Harry, you'll have to be a baker, not an Auror... I'm just sayin'! >.>

"I've had enough trouble for a lifetime."
Great, great ending line. :D

And that's where the book ends for me. If you'd like my meta-thoughts on the epilogue that exists in that other dimension they call "reality" (silly name, if you ask me) get 'em here. :D

YAY I finished them! *gets drunk*
Tags: criticism, deathly hallows commentary, fandom:hp, meta:canon
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