Randy: This is my town, so I am going to sit in Simon's place.
Justin Guarini Mark II: Waka-laka-laka! :D? :D? :D?
Simon: Oh, what the hell. Our standards are way down this year anyway.
Dogmommy: Would you like to hold my puppy?
Simon: Hellz yeah.
Paula and Kara: *start fake-making out randomly*
Kara: I've decided I haven't been nearly obnoxious enough so far this season, so I will now suggest that Simon needs to put the moves on me.
Carmen Sandiego: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Simon: Thank you and good night.
Green Dress: *sings in Swahili*
Simon: That sucked.
Green Dress: Well, I disagree. My mom says I sing good.
Mom of Green Dress: Yes! She's sang all around Jacksonville!
Simon: Them flying tomatoes were not a weather phenomenon.
Miss Florida: I just totally didn't completely butcher Whitney Houston!
Judges: Yeah, you... don't suck as bad as we thought you would. o.o
Dale Carnegie: I sure know how to work a room.
Terrorised Auditioners: Y-you sure do. >.>
Dale Carnegie: Oh no, my friend just got a no. *weeps*
Judges: O hai, sing for us plz.
Dale Carnegie: WAH WAH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!1
Simon: This... isn't working.
Hyperactive Pink Shirt: omgomgomgomgigottapeesobad. SO BAD. Oh. HI!
Friend of Hyperactive Pink Shirt: I am a fan of Randy, and now I shall sit in his lap.
Paula: O RLY? Well, I will sit in Simon's lap.
Kara: O RLY? Ryan, come and sit in my lap.
Ryan: Why are you bouncing me up and down. This is just not kosher. :|
Kara: That's not what I heard you saying to Simon last night.
Hyperactive Pink Shirt: La la la la la la!
Friend of Hyperactive Pink Shirt: *struggles not to laugh*
Hyperactive Pink Shirt: Everyone tells me I'm great! I compare myself to Mariah Carey.
Simon: That was less Mariah Carey and more Fruit Bat.
Hyperactive Pink Shirt: *lipquiver*
Simon: Uh oh. You mean this wasn't a joke audition?
Hyperactive Pink Shirt: *weeps*
Everyone but Simon: We are now going to remind you of how bizarre this season is by having a group hug with a contestant. And her hot friend.
Baby of the Family: I'm actually better than Fergie.
Judges: We... agree.
Baby's Family: *squeals*
Mr Physics Man: Physics is really easy if you look at it from the core. Not from the outside. >.>
Mr Physics Man: In my wildest dreams, I have a simple house. Also, my head shakes neurotically when I sing.
Simon: This show. It's not for you.
Mr Physics Man: Look ma, no ticket!
Kara's Number One Fan: I... can sing
Simon: Yes, but you sound like a fan. Come back when you're ready to be a star.
Kara's Number One Fan: Sir, yes, sir! Now I will put on some make-up.
Blue Shirt: I sound okay but I can't keep them lyrics straight.
Paula: You sound pretty good.
Simon: He's sooo getting cut in Hollywood for forgetting lyrics.
Guitar Hero: OMG I can't play with my guitar? OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG FREAK OUT!
Simon: You're unique. Your voice is not. This competition is not for you.
Guitar Hero: I could beg?
Simon: Just get a job. Put a band together!
Guitar Hero: *weeps* ;_; DON'T TOUCH ME, CONCERNED FAMILY MEMBERS. I HAVE PAIN IN MY HEART.
Kara's Number One Fan: I return!
Simon: Actually, we were just kidding the first time we told you to go away.