Paula's departure: *is announced with little fanfare*
Ellen: Forget about these guest people, ok. I am your new judge.
3 Blonde Girls: I'm the next American... wait, what?
All of America, Apparently: NO! I AM THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL!
Boston: *rains on*
Ryan: IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!~
Posh: I'm here to build someone's career.
Pink Karaoke Girl: I know everything about AI! I've played the game over nine thousand times. And cyber!Simon told me "great job"! I'm ready for my close-up!
The Judges: ...you really, really suck. And so does the AI game.
Pink Karaoke Girl: Also I am living in the game, because to me, Kara? You don't exist. You're Paula. Also, Posh? You're just David Beckham's wife, ok? Also, I have Tourette's. Fuck-shit-ass-bitch-cunt-shooby-de-doo-w
Maddy Curtis: I am 16 I have the most awesome family in the world!
f: Awww, you so do. *_*
Mattie Curtis: Also I can sing!
Judges: Yeah, you actually can! And you're not annoying! Welcome to Hollywood :D
Holla Boy: I'm really obnoxious!
Judges: Yeah, you are! Go home!
Holla Boy: I have a lot of friends.
Simon: Well, I never had friends in school.
Holla Boy: Shocker.
Randy: Stop singing forever. Please.
Holla Boy: Well can I at least have a hug? >_>
Girls of Boston: We're better than the boys.
Amadeo Diricco: My wife told me to do this. EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M HERE.
f: Aw, I like this guy.
Judges: Yeah, we like him too!
Blond Hippy: I'm a deeply spiritual guy. I like long walks, music, flowers, and the wind in my hair...
f: Dude, this isn't match.com
Blond Hippy: ...bunnies, spiritual awakenings, sounding like a goat when I sing...
Blond Hippy: Well, I was brilliant. They've missed out. I'm so amazing. A free spirit. I like long walks...
f: Man, I wish they didn't show so many people genuinely crying. It's not entertaining at all. :(
Cultural Appropriation Girl: I JUST LOVE ANIME I'M AN OTAKU I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN JAPAN AND I WANT A GIANT ROBOT AND I AM GOING TO SING JANICE JOPLIN.
Judges: That was horrible.
Cultural Appropriation Girl: Excuse me? You can't say that to me! My voice coaches! I've had two! THEY said I was great! Hmph!
f: She should invest in a humility coach instead...
Cultural Appropriation Girl: HOW DARE THEY? HOW DARE THEY TELL ME I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH? I AM SPECIAL AND AMAZING.
f: Why do these nutjobs always say the same thing? Don't they watch the show and realise how fucking embarrassing they are?
Boys of Boston: We actually do not suck as much as you thought!
Creepy Antisocial Man: I hate waiting. Also I'm single. Ladiesssss.
Simon: Why are you here?
Creepy Antisocial Man: That's a stupid question.
Simon: Don't be a smartass.
Creepy Antisocial Man: Well, sorry. I'm going to take off my glasses and sing House of the Rising Sun. You know that song?
Judges: You must be joking.
Kara: I hate you, Creepy Antisocial Man.
Creepy Antisocial Man: I was just trying to sound confident.
Posh: Well, you weren't.
Kara: You're too arrogant. I hate you. Leave now and never come back!
Creepy Antisocial Man: I'm so confused. What just happened?
f: ok, so creepy antisocial man was creepy and antisocial? But man, Kara's a douche.
Boys of Boston: Actually, we really do suck a lot. Sorry.
Ashley Rodriguez: I sing well and I'm awesome!
Judges: Yes, you are!
Titanium Wrist Dude: I'm a drummer, but now that I broke both wrists, I'll give singing a try. >.>
Judges: ...we did not expect this. You kind of rock.
f: I think he kind of rocks too >.> And he seems like such a decent guy.
Waitress Girl: I'm better than most people who audition here.
Judges: No, you are not.
f: She was hot though. >.>
Simon: Yeah, she was. >.>
Posh: Yep. >.>
AI: *makes fun of Boston people and their accents* It would have been funny if they hadn't also thrown in an Asian guy into the mix.
Mike Davis: I'M ON A BOAT. Well, not ON it. But I HAVE a boat. It's called Codzilla. :D?
Judges: You're confident without being obnoxious. And you're not terrible!
Simon: I say yes. Gotta pee.
Randy: I say no. Also gotta pee.
Kara and Posh: ...
f: Man, I wish Posh were the regular judge, not Kara.
Katie Stevens: My grandma is awesome.
Judges: And so are you!
Joshua Blaylock: I have a green shirt. Also I sound too young for my age.
Simon: You sound like you're fourteen.
Joshua Blaylock: Aww. Give me a chance! :D?
Randy: I will be your life coach! Repeat phrases after me! Be assertive! Tell Simon to shut up!
Joshua Blaylock: Okay! :D *wags tail* Simon? SHUT UP! Please :D?
f: Why are all the decent singers such woobies this year? That whole exchange was so fucking adorable.
AI Producers: *add subtitles to an Asian man speaking English with an accent*
f: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT? FUCK YOU, NEWSCORP. FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EAR. ARGH!!! >:((((((
Justin Williams: I had cancer, but I don't anymore!
Judges: Well, that's good, 'cause you're going to Hollywood!
f: It made me kind of sad that he seemed to have come to the auditions alone. :(
Michael Jackson: I'm so nervous I keep forgetting the lyrics!
Posh: Well, I like your outfit...
Bosa Mora: I have an awesome family and I can sing! :D?
Simon: I thought you were boring.
Posh: Simon, you are so mean. I thought you were very good!
Randy: Let's vote.
f: It's like Paula never left! Can we keep Posh?
Leah Laurenti: Hey, I've done this all my life, and I'm kind of sensitive about my ability to sing...
f: Except you shouldn't be, because you're fucking phenomenal. T_T
Judges: Yeah, what f said.