Ellen: Yeah, I really miss American Gladiator. Oh, you mean my show? No. Except for that one time you and I were in bed together.
Big Mike: I'm actually into musical theatre. Uh, and football. >.> I'm singing This is a Man's World by James Brown. To show that I'm the main event. Cos I'm a man, baby, yeah.
f: It had its moments, but I haven't been very impressed with his performances so far.
Randy: You have the fire in your eyes.
Ellen: This was a very educational song. I'll have you know women made the medical syringe and the water heater.
Kara: I want to know about your diet.
Simon: It's like you went from a pussycat to a lion within a week.
John: English is my second language! I think I was trying a little too hard this week with my voice, so this week I picked Gravity by John Mayer.
f: One word: unimpressed. Three more words: was so bored.
Randy: You didn't bring anything new or spicy to it.
Ellen: Spice. Or soul.
Kara: Well, it was better than last week. But no connection.
Simon: This was a "So-what?" performance.
Casey: People would be surprised to learn that I didn't have a TV for most of my life. I haven't seen any American Idol shows either... I shall perform I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw.
f: I feel like he's singing with hot porridge in his mouth.
Randy: not the best vocal, but this is the kind of music I can see you making.
Ellen: Everyone loves this song. But there's a stiffness about you that doesn't really work.
Kara: Look, I'm still a fan but you took two steps backward with that performance.
Simon: You were trying to be a rock star. "Trying" being the operative word.
Alex: My big secret is that I created my own language! That I still speak! Also I throw up a lot. I picked John Legend's Everybody Knows to perform tonight.
f: I was kind of into it. He's got an interesting tone to his voice, and the nervousness was kind of adorable.
Randy: I love your package. I mean. Your language. I have my own language too!
Ellen: It's like someone took an unripe banana and put it in a paper bag. Such a great voice under that mullet.
Kara: I will now speak for the world and say that there is no one out there not rooting for you right now~
Simon: A million times better than last week. My only advice is that the only time you should be nervous is when you're useless. You're not.
Todrick: I first started dancing when I was 9, and I do push-ups before every performance. My song choice is What's Love Got to Do with It by Tina Turner.
f: tbh I spent the whole time staring at his eyes. >.>
Randy: Didn't love the arrangement. Just sing the damn songs, man.
Ellen: You should have danced moar.
Kara: I speak in tongues~
Simon: Move, but don't sing. This just isn't working out for you. You are missing the point of this competition!
f: I really love it when performers are so cool about the criticism.
Jermaine: I wear onesies. This is all you need to know before I sing What's Going On by Marvin Gaye.
f: What's with the hair? Between that, the onesie, and the colourful bow tie, I think we have surprise!Sanjaya in the house.
Ellen: I love your style. And your onesies. But you're pushing too hard.
Kara: Yeah. You're just doing too much, and it feels forced.
Simon: The bow tie is not going to make you any less old-fashioned.
Jermaine: God will make sure I'm here next week. God is my homeboy. It's the onesies, you see.
Andrew: Guess what? I also breakdance. James Morrison's You Give Me Something is what I'm singing tonight. Without breakdancing though.
f: Not my favourite performance, but he is still better by miles than any of the others. He looked so severe tonight!
Randy: I didn't get it.
Ellen: I got it, no worries. I'm gonna get your name tattooed on my neck, dude. Not really.
Kara: You gotta surprise us and stay on the rhythm. You played it way too safe.
Simon: That you haven't managed to choose a good song for two weeks is beginning to be a problem.
Aaron: I'm a hobbyist photographer, and I'm a total special snowflake about it. I'm going to sing My Girl by The Temptations.
f: Yep, Archuleta #2. Good voice but utterly boring. Too bad for him his voice isn't nearly as powerful as Archie's.
Randy: 200% better than last week.
Ellen: Song is kind of forgettable, but I liked the movement on stage!
Kara: I appreciate that you are not confusing.
Simon: We heard this audition 20 years ago. Never mind that the show didn't exist then. *handwave*
Tim: I have an enormous family. People don't know this about me. I picked Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson.
f: That was a nice run near the end there. Uh, that's about it. I do like his attitude towards the crit. This season has been refreshingly low on snowflake meltdowns.
Randy: That was too karaoke.
Ellen: You should be on Glee. Instead of here, I mean.
Kara: I liked it better than last week, but.
Simon: I thought it was far better than last week, and I like your attitude.
Lee: I'm a nice guy. I've just always made bad decisions. I decided to perform Hinder's Lips of an Angel.
f: Huh, he was doing really well until he hit the chorus, and then it all went to hell.
Randy: A couple of pitch problems, but I liked it.
Ellen: I thought it was a great performance.
Kara: Big improvement from last week.
Simon: Vocally you are the best singer, but you look terrified.
AUGH BORED NOW. Yeah, blah blah, they're all improving, but-- oh look, a slow-moving gnat. *chases*